Fantasia Ferries

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

FANTASIA FERRIES: Where Anything and Everything is Possible

Start your Cuban holiday before you even set foot in Cuba. On Fantasia Ferries - choose your departure from Playa del Carmen (just south of Cancun) in Mexico or Key West, Florida. Daily, except Wednesdays.

On Wednesdays only, there are departures from Jamaica and Honduras. Please call 1-555-5555 as this route is offered only if demand warrants it.

We offer you soft, comfortable armchairs in the front lounge, or your own private stateroom for a small additional fee, unless you are one of the owner's favorite people (please advise when booking) and then the charge is waived. There is seating on deck (covered and uncovered -- both you, as you wish, and the seats) which is pleasant and enjoyable on all but the windiest and rainiest of days, when goosebumps simply spoil the look.

Buffet meals are provided on all sailings. Bottled water, soda, coffee and tea, wine and beer included. There is a small charge for all other drinks. Additional "refreshments" available in consultation with the Captain or the First Mate.

The fare varies by time of year and departure city. Return tickets must be purchased. Please contact us for the rate on the route you wish to travel. There is an additional charge for the services of Julio and Maria and our other massage artistes (who will perform many other services for you as well, on request, discretion will always prevail in these matters).

There are just a few specific restrictions on all sailings of Fantasia Ferries:

1. Wearing pink is strictly prohibited. Boas and feathered hats are not permitted under any circumstances, except by women approved by Pepin.

2. Singing of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" is restricted to direct descendants of Judy Garland.

3. Tipping is not allowed. All our personnel have taken the new customer service course "Scams 101" and that is the only way they may get money from you.

4. Only CANNED salmon and tuna can be brought on board. Fresh fish will be confiscated at the boarding gate. Regardless of your need of brain food, we must respect the wishes of other passengers to not be subjected to certain smells and odors.

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We look forward to your traveling with us on your next trip to Cuba. Please call us at 1-555-5555 for reservations and more information. We can also do your booking for the Mustang Ranch.

Have a FANTASTIC trip!

WATCH THIS SPACE!

We've hauled the ferries out of drydock and are now getting them ready for the announcement that we are expecting an day now from the White House. We should be able to be back up and running within a week of getting the go-ahead, and October 31, at the latest.

We are looking forward to seeing many of our old customers and friends from the past and will welcome all newcomers.

We are sorry to say that there has to be a modest increase in our fares, but we are sure you will appreciate the new enhancements this is allowing us to make to the ferries.

We are looking forward to serving you as soon as possible.

We are...

Fantasia Ferries. Established by Señor Pepin in late 2006 in response to the many queries on the ThornTree website indicating a real need for sea transport to Cuba. He is also the owner of the famous Mustang Ranch near Varadero that caters to fat, bald, middle-aged male tourists who travel to Cuba looking for what no one will give them in their home countries. The Ranch is currently being picketed by the Federacion Cubana de Mujeres. Try to enter at your own risk. There is nothing harder to get past than an angry Cuban woman.

NEW for the SUMMER - Rail Service to Cuba

Fantasia Ferries is pleased to announce that on July 1, one of our subsidiaries will be starting a new rail service, direct from Key West to either Havana or the Mustang Ranch near Varadero. Not only will this be high speed rail travel, but you will clear Cuban immigration and customs from the comfort of your seat or cabin! Everything offered on the Ferry will also be available on the train. Looking forward to seeing you on board. We were fortunate to receive this abbreviated history of the Cuban Tunnel from the world-reknowned expert, Prospero:

---For those who are wondering, it's a little known fact that a group of Batista's former men taken prisoner after the revolution, began tunnelling out of Havana's El Morro in 1959. They reached Miami in late 2005 when their tunnel struck a sewer that drains into the Florida Straits. Emerging from a manhole cover in 8th Street, one of them was heard to cry, "Coño, all that digging and we're back in 1950s Havana!" Enterprising as ever, they quickly established a link with Fantasia Ferries Inc. and rails were laid through the tunnel within 9 months. A suitable amount of money was paid to some Cuban doctors to diagnose an inoperable condition in a certain Mr. Castro (but then they operated anyway), and with elements resistant to the scheme removed from the scene, construction on two new platforms at El Morro began in January this year. After final trials the first commercial service is due to start running on 1st July.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007